Why Doing New Things is Hard
And why your crush is just as intimidating as a Prehistoric Tiger
We have all been there. Standing just on the precipice of something incredible. That job that we have been dreaming of, a trip that has been on our bucket list for years, or finally working up the courage to approach that individual that always seems to make your breath catch in your throat every time they look your way.
We stand up straight, square our shoulders, take a deep breath, and then start cataloging all of the other things that we should do first to prepare for this momentous undertaking which inevitably leads to an itemized list of why this was such a bad idea from the beginning. (You all do that too, right?)
Eventually, most of us stop just short of actually doing the thing. Committing to ourselves that we will “hit the ground running tomorrow” or “start fresh on Monday”. The trouble is that when Monday comes, that thing is still hard to do. Usually, we want to do it even less, and (worst of all) we have already given ourselves permission to not do it.
But why do we continue to give up? When we made that promise to ourselves we had every intention of keeping it. We still have the desire to do the thing. We can even spend hours imagining how much better our lives will be once the thing is done. So why is that first step so difficult? Every. Single. Time.
The answer lies in our “paleomammalian cortex” also commonly (and more entertainingly) referred to as the “lizard brain”. This segment of our brains is specifically designed to keep us safe by analyzing potential threats and finding the patterns of behavior which are most likely to keep us alive long enough to procreate.
As far as your Lizzard Brain is concerned anything that is scary or intimidating or new (be it a saber tooth tiger or the hottie at the copier) gets met with the same response: Fight or Flight. Since most of us are taught as children not to pull our crush’s pigtails, we often resort to avoidance or putting off the uncomfortable exercise “until the time is right”.
The trouble with this response is that now the avoidance has become the pattern. So the next time our limbic system sees Tommy over by the copier we decide to stop at our friend’s desk to admire him from afar rather than ask if he is free Saturday night. Our limbic system has realized that admiring from afar feels much safer and less threatening, and safe and non-threatening is exactly the vibe that the lizard brain is going for.
So how do we conquer the lizard brain? When do we conquer the lizard brain? In the immortal words of Susan Jeffers, we simply “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”.
Clearly, this philosophy is better applied to the “crush at the copier” situation than the saber tooth tiger thing, but the principle is the same. When our brains begin to explore the prospect of stepping outside of our comfort zone we have to expect to feel some resistance. Once we expect to encounter the resistance we can start to prepare for it, the way a soldier dons armor or an actor gets in costume.
Each time our brain comes up with a reason not to act we have a choice. To embrace our lizard brain and choose flight or to fight our lizard brain and take bold action. Acknowledge the resistance and don’t chastise ourselves for feeling it. Thank our lizard brain for trying to keep us safe, and ultimately assure it that the possibility of getting rejected by copier guy is not in fact going to kill us. Sort of a “Hey there, lizard brain. I see you… But I got this.”
As most successful people will tell you, once your brain has decided that you can do something all that is left is figuring out the how. And the truth is, once you have conquered your lizard brain and learned to be comfortable with being uncomfortable figuring out the “how” is the easy part.
